Dude. My eyebrows are on fleek, you can’t tell me nothing right now, dawg.
And I am so happy because…okay, here’s what happened:
I bought a groupon from a woman who seemed to have a reputable business and website for microblading eyebrows. If you don’t know what microblading is, it’s a painful procedure that someone came up with in Asia in order to torment people who are vain enough to get semi-permanent ink tattooed where their eyebrows are located, which is a very sensitive area on your face. There are tons of articles on the internet about it, so google until your heart’s content.
Well, I scheduled the appointment and showed up on time and she talked a long time about the procedure and what it entailed. I had to sign a waiver, blah, blah, blah. She said the color she would be using for my brows would be espresso. All of this sounded really good and I was eager to get started. So finally we got to the procedure itself and I was all comfortable and relaxed in her little beauty loft and she put some numbing cream on my eyebrows and waited a few minutes before she started. As soon as the tool scraped by brow, I was like Holy mother of Christ who came up with this bullshit?! This shit HURTS. Stop it right now before I knock you out, you crazy-ass sadistic mother effer!! Of course I said none of that out loud. What I actually said was, “Okay, hold on just a minute, I’m going to need to take a Xanax and put my headphones on.” I mean, that cream. Seriously? It didn’t numb anything, dawg. It felt like she was carving my face like a damned jack-o-lantern, but I tried to distance myself from the pain and drift away with Anthony Kiedis as sounds of RHCP flooded my ears with catchy and beautiful melodies.
Okay, so next. Finally she finished this form of medieval torture and I looked at my brows. She explained that she’d felt we were at a good stopping point because the area was getting inflamed and I was leaking all kinds of lymph fluid, which was to be expected. I looked at my eyebrows and felt like they looked angry and like they’d been scribbled on with a dark marker. But she’d also explained that I needed to come back in six weeks to get the touch-up (for $100 more, not too bad; my initial investment had been $150), which would correct any imperfections.
When I got home I examined my eyebrows closely and noticed that they were not symmetrical at all. The left was arched higher, while the right was flatter and didn’t follow the arch and line of my natural brow. I wasn’t happy. Later, I canceled my follow up with groupon lady one and instead scheduled my six-week follow up/touch up with another lady who also offered a groupon, but who showcased her actual work on her website and bonus, had a gorgeous pair of full, perfectly-sculpted eyebrows herself. Thank you, Mila Mahmood, for saving my eyebrows. OMG.
I showed Mila what was wrong when I arrived. Mind you, this was six weeks after my first appointment with the other lady, who shall remain nameless, but I should have known better just by looking at her eyebrows. Using thread, Mila carefully made measurements from my brows to my nose, to the corners of my mouth. Using a makeup pencil, she then carefully drew an outline of my fully sculpted brows and asked me how I liked the look. So far, it looked good. Mila put on the numbing cream and said we’d have to wait twenty-five minutes for the anesthetic to take effect. Of course, I was comfortable in her cozy little salon loft and felt a much more confident energy coming from her. I’d gotten the opposite energy from the former technician. I could actually feel her fear, like she was afraid she was going to mess up. Which she did.
When Mila started using her tool to make strokes and implant the semi-permanent ink, it was much more comfortable. The numbing cream had actually worked, and I knew in advance to take the Xanax and plug in my Chili Peppers. Actually, I wound up listening to my alternative favs playlist instead. Heavy on Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes and Portugal. The Man. Some Phoenix. A little Spoon. Starf*cker. And Arctic Monkeys.
This time, because I’d been through the experience once, I knew what type of discomfort to anticipate, and that probably helped, too. Not to mention my overwhelming desire to have my scribbled-on, angry-looking, asymmetric eyebrows transformed into the fabulous, glamorous, and perfectly chiseled eyebrows of a Hollywood starlet.
So yes, if you’re in metro Atlanta, go see Mila and she will hook you up. I love my eyebrows and love to look at them in the mirror while saying something like, “You sexy bitch, you.”
Now I just have to wait the week or so more for them to itch, peel, and heal. Just like a tattoo, it takes discipline. You get an after-care sheet at the end of your procedure, too. I’ve gotten enough tattoos to know how to care for my brows intuitively and so I don’t need the sheet or ointment. I have my own regimen. You, on the other hand, should definitely follow the after-care instructions or you’ll probably mess up your eyebrows.
I’ll be ready for my upcoming appearances, so please come out and get a signed copy of Silicon Valley Girl and look at my fabulous movie star eyebrows.
Saturday 19 August 2017, I’ll be at The Open Mind Center in Roswell, GA for the Author Event Book Celebration Day from 12PM -5PM. I have my new fellow indie author buddy Jen Butler to thank for my inclusion in this event, and I’m really looking forward to it.
Next up is the AJC Decatur Book Festival on Sunday 3 September 2017. I’ll be speaking and signing copies of Silicon Valley Girl at the Emerging Writers Pavilion around 1:00 PM.
You don’t want to miss either of these opportunities to see what happens when I make my first public appearances related to my new book, and the chance, again, to marvel at my meticulous eyebrow game.
See you soon!